Thought I knew what I was Doing

For a while I have been concerned about having enough to care for my family during a crisis. At first I was concerned about food shortages at the market or something, but I have come to realize this is about more than that.

If we were to lose our job, or my Husband wasn't able to work for some reason, I am no longer able to jump into a career that would pay enough to cover things. I also don't want to become dependent on the assistance that our government thinks we should all have access to. So, what do you do.

I started without really knowing where to start. Almost everything I read said you should stock up on bulk items and canned goods, but how do you rotate a 20 pound bag of flour in your pantry? No matter how much I have researched I have haven't come up with a plan that is easy to follow that won't make life any more complicated. So, I have decided to do my own thing.

And this is where it got me...

...completely random, thought I knew what I was doing, things!!

This will be my attempt to come up with a system that makes since, doesn't freak me out and doesn't cost an arm and a leg to do.

I have been working this out for a while, and now have some great ideas to make this actually happen, so I will keep you updated on my progress.

No More

It dawned on me recently that my life has changed. Yes, it's still crazy. My three kids run circles around me, simultaneously requesting my acknowledgment and the dog patiently waits his turn...oh and then there's the cat who meows like a girl. Anyway, with all of this, it's officially transitioned to the "next" phase.

My first baby is reading, really well. My second baby can do almost everything by herself. I'm potty training my last baby, and I don't have anymore "babies" left. This is a little sad, but at the same time it is very liberating. I can go to the store A LOT easier than I used too. I can tell my kids to "suck it up" if they don't like it ('cause babies don't like it when you tell them that!) I can stand back and watch more, because they don't need me to hold their hand.

I do miss it, a little. I love snuggling my nephew and stealing all the baby kisses I can. But I am to a point now that feels right. It's time to move forward. Now the hard part is figuring out what to do next.

No More

I opened up my eyes today
and saw my life in a brand new way.
My little babes, so sweet to touch,
are growing up without a fuss.
Their hands, once tiny as a mouse
help pull them up on their play house.
Finger sized feet, so soft and sweet,
now wear size nine and sometimes stink.
I squeeze and kiss them more and more,
in case there's a day they yell "no more"

Deemed Impossible

We had a busy day today.  Not that I intended it to be that way when I woke up, it just turned out that way. Those tend to be the best days for me.

My sister-in-law called this morning to invite me on a mall date.  Definition: take the kids to play so that we can get out of the house.  I always look forward to hanging out with her, but am amazed at how little we actually get go speak to each other.  I am usually chasing a child around, so we just let the kids play and enjoy being in the same vicinity.

The kids are finally old enough, and capable enough for me to be less hands on.  It is nice to watch them play instead of assisting the entire time, and I'm sure they enjoy having some space.  They do the usual climb on everything they can routine, but Little Brother pushes the envelope because he is confident.  I was busy loving on my baby nephew when my sister-in-law said "Little brother is climbing on the wall...oh he is climbing over the wall!"

I looked up just in time to see him lower himself over the play wall.  This was obviously something you are not supposed to do, as about six kids jumped up on the seat to look at the escapee on the other side.  I handed my nephew off and headed out the exit to retrieve my child before he decided to scale the wall to the ice skating rink.  I hoped as I went around the circle that Little Brother didn't go in the opposite direction, and watched the perimeter with no success as he is shorter than the wall.  But suddenly there was movement! Not my child, but the gaggle of children standing in the bench, all started moving in unison as they followed their new leader around the wall. Unfortunately it was in the opposite direction from were I was heading. I did a 360 to get my little one and was thankful that Aunt Shaw Shaw was there to catch him. I informed him of the standard procedures and encouraged him to play again.

I don't really get mad about this kind of stuff. I see it as his personality type and try to set boundaries that we both can accept. But I think he knows it's his job to push those boundaries just as far as he can.


Deemed Impossible

It's hard to find the words to describe you young scribe.
The things that you do give others a fright.
You climb what's deemed impossible for someone your size,
And giving up is unheard of, it just wouldn't be right.

I'm amazed at your ability, your strength and your might.
When Big Brother comes picking, you'll put up a fight.
You're not afraid of the things most other kids are.
Keeping trying my sweet, let's see how high you set that bar.

Adventures

If you are looking for a new entertainment device for kids, I have found it!!  MUD.  I know we have tapped it's resources for all things beautiful, from the stucco on your walls to the cellulite on your thighs (not mine, hee hee).  But few of us realize the power this slippery substance has over our children.

I spent some time the other day getting the sprinkler system set up again.  I couldn't leave it the way it was last year, nooooo, I had to complicate it by changing things.  Anyway, I had it set to water on "convenient" days like Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.   As I was making my morning cup of tea I realized, from the half circle dark spot on the fence, and the wet dog, that the sprinklers were going, and it wasn't Wednesday! By the way, the dog was wet because he thinks the sprinklers are out to get him, so he bites the water to make it stop.

OK, watering the yard really isn't a big deal.  But don't forget, this is my house we are talking about.  The "yard" in the back is half dirt.  I won't go into my theories as to why it is dirt, it just is.  I groaned with disappointment from the sight of the wet muddy dog because I knew what was ahead for the rest of the day. It didn't take long before sweet Big Sister looked out and screamed "A puddle! Look Little Brother a Puddle!"  From this point forward I knew it was act now or forever clean their feet.  "Absolutely not, you are not going outside to play in the puddle. Now, here's your milk, let's go watch TV."  OK, so I am foregoing physical activities for TV time, but I still hadn't had my cup of tea yet.

Sometime later, I realized that the house was way too quite.  I strolled into the kitchen to find the window wide open.  The cat was perched on the sill, Big Sister was hanging half way out and Little Brother was outside swinging Indiana Jones style from our tree rope.  As he swung from the rope he dragged half of his body across the ground and therefore through the brown slick beneath it.  Big Sister laughed and ran out there, only to excite the dog who began running circles around them.  Circles that just so happened to be in the "mud zone."  Soon there after Big Brother, who was home sick, also got in on the gig and helped the other two make mud soup, pie, patties, and art.

This was the moment I decided to lock the doors (and the window!)

I know....that's awful, but tell me that when you have to clean my house and all the mud that four creatures will track in.  I gave them their space to have fun, only intervened when it was necessary, and went about our day as normal (except my children were only allowed to come inside after being sprayed off with the water hose.)


Adventures

I have to stop for a minute
to watch my sweet kids.
They're laughing and smiling
showing off what they did.

The adventures they have
are splendid and grand.
He just flew on his rope
a true Indiana Jones fan.

And now there's a monster,
of the hairy scary kind.
They know just where to hide
to be impossible to find.

I smile while I watch them.
A scene that's sure to endear.
But wait, I'll be the monster.
Now screaming is all that I hear.

Your Greatest Wish

Another day has ended, well almost.  I still have to do the dishes, sweep the floor, put away the clean clothes, feed the animals, and pay a couple of bills and there is something else that I keep forgetting...anyway.

The day always seems to have passed so quickly when you are looking back, but they don't seem to move when you are in them.  Well let me put that differently, I am always moving in them, they just don't seem to keep up with me.  Let me tally what I have accomplished today:

• breakfast 
• breakfast dishes 
• fed animals 
• cleaned the table and chairs
• three loads of laundry, including folding
• lunch for the crew (of course)
• clean under couches
• declutter cabinet
• clean cobwebs
• dust base boards, and cabinet in two rooms
• clean windows and mirror
• met with landscaper
• tidy kids room (supervised)
• tidy the house (all day event)
• gave snacks
• dressed the kids
• Big Brother's sudden allergic reaction
• drug store
• library books returned
• potty training (more success!)
• organized coupon book
• sorted through junk mail pile
• fixed dinner
• snuggled with kids and read books

 ...and will finish with the above mentioned things.

I did sit down for about 30 minutes while the kids watched "Batman" to read a parenting magazine, and began to feel guilty because it felt like I should have been doing something else.  I chased kids for fun (and not), did lots of chores, and still felt like I should have been giving more. WHERE DOES THAT COME FROM!!!???

I think sometimes the only thing I have left to give is boogers!

Your Greatest Wish

"Hey Mom, can you help me?"
"Yes, in a minute my sweet."
"Can you help?"
"I said, 'just a minute' please!"

"Hey Mom, Mom, where did you go?"
"I'm taking the trash out"
"But I need you."
"My goodness I know!"

"Mom, can you zip this?"
"My hands are full right now"
"But Mom, I need you."
"While I'm carring trash, how?"

I turn and I look,
your smile is so sweet.
You've followed me around
and stayed at my feet.

Your greatest wish,
what you desire from me
is a zip, and a kiss
as you run off in glee.

The Last Row Observer

"I'M BACK"...that is what I have decided.  I gave myself plenty of time to postpone my commitments, and this is when I decided to stop postponing them.  I can't explain how it happens, when I am in the middle of "I don't want to do it" mode, I can easily stick to it.  Stubborn is my secrete identity.  But somewhere, as if observing from the last row, I know that "this too shall pass", and it has.


I think, maybe I get tired of not liking myself.  'Cause the reality is, when I am committing "personal treason," I don't like myself.  I don't want to be seen as weak or insane, and yes Penny, the insanity had set in :o}.  But when I start allowing myself to make excuses, it is hard to stop.  That's when any obstacle can be seen as my opportunity, in those moments, to stop trying.  This can apply to all aspects of my life.  Those cupcakes, why not eat another.  I'm making a trip to my hometown, why not eat three donuts, and save the donut holes for later.  Oh, and the exercise...HA, I'm not even going to try and fake it, I am just not doing it.

I watch myself do these things, and I don't like it.  I don't like seeing the weight I lost come right back, because "I can lose it again later."  I don't like feeling like I have to take a nap everyday because I stopped exercising.  I don't like watching TV for two or three hours at night and not getting the dishes done before I go to bed.  I simply don't like committing treason.

So, I have stopped.


The Last Row Observer

What is going on?
Oh, it's painful to watch.
I'll cover my eyes
'til the misery stops.

Are you kidding me!
You're doing that again.
That illogical reasoning
has to come to an end.

Oh, sigh of relief.
This shouldn't hurt any longer.
I won't sit here and watch
you make excuses much longer.

Shut up.
Stop talking.
Get up.
Start walking.

It starts with just one,
one foot then the other.
Stop making excuses,
they will pull you asunder.

Treason

Why is it so easy to break commitments to yourself? I tend to be a yes girl, a people pleaser, not a brown noser, just a sure-why-not kinda woman. Because of that I end up committing myself to others very frequently. I am good at keeping those commitments once committed...but that is only as long as that commitment is to someone other than me.

I make excuses for not following through for myself almost from the very moment the thought oozes it's way from the crevasses of my grey matter. I will bail on myself before the thought has time to become a thought. Why???

Each day presents itself, and before I really even start, I have already decided I'm not going to stick to the commitment I have made. Why??? It really does frustrate me. But, it's me...no one else forces me to eat another half a biscuit (because there is still honey butter in the bowl and that can't be wasted). The kids didn't take a nap today, so I'll exercises tonight (not really, by brain has already hit that "not gonna happen" button). I'll go to bed early so I can get up earlier (until I hit the snooze button, and go back to sleep). I'll fold those clothes now, but I'll put them away when all of the laundry is done (a week later). I'll only watch one of my shows and then I do the dishes (tomorrow morning, after breakfast...well maybe after lunch) I'll shave after I exercise (what exercise). I'll make an appointment for the optometrist (ahhh, that tear in my contact isn't that bad). I think that I put more energy into finding reasons to not do things than actually doing them would be.

I have heard and read tons of things about valuing yourself enough to take time out, blah blah blah. I am sure I have preached it to some of you. It is still a battle for me. I hop on the waggon and jump right off again and then figure out a great reason not to hop back on. I am dangling like Indiana Jones from the back of my commitment waggon. It's bumpy and dirty and hurts.

Treason

I want to quit.
I want to bail.
I won't even try,
it's easier to fail.

OK, maybe not.
I might really try.
I'll finish this chore
before the day passes by.

Oh what luck,
an obstacle there.
It gives me a reason
to not really care.

Oh wait, but I do!
I think there's a reason
to stop this nonsensical
personal treason.