The Last Row Observer

"I'M BACK"...that is what I have decided.  I gave myself plenty of time to postpone my commitments, and this is when I decided to stop postponing them.  I can't explain how it happens, when I am in the middle of "I don't want to do it" mode, I can easily stick to it.  Stubborn is my secrete identity.  But somewhere, as if observing from the last row, I know that "this too shall pass", and it has.


I think, maybe I get tired of not liking myself.  'Cause the reality is, when I am committing "personal treason," I don't like myself.  I don't want to be seen as weak or insane, and yes Penny, the insanity had set in :o}.  But when I start allowing myself to make excuses, it is hard to stop.  That's when any obstacle can be seen as my opportunity, in those moments, to stop trying.  This can apply to all aspects of my life.  Those cupcakes, why not eat another.  I'm making a trip to my hometown, why not eat three donuts, and save the donut holes for later.  Oh, and the exercise...HA, I'm not even going to try and fake it, I am just not doing it.

I watch myself do these things, and I don't like it.  I don't like seeing the weight I lost come right back, because "I can lose it again later."  I don't like feeling like I have to take a nap everyday because I stopped exercising.  I don't like watching TV for two or three hours at night and not getting the dishes done before I go to bed.  I simply don't like committing treason.

So, I have stopped.


The Last Row Observer

What is going on?
Oh, it's painful to watch.
I'll cover my eyes
'til the misery stops.

Are you kidding me!
You're doing that again.
That illogical reasoning
has to come to an end.

Oh, sigh of relief.
This shouldn't hurt any longer.
I won't sit here and watch
you make excuses much longer.

Shut up.
Stop talking.
Get up.
Start walking.

It starts with just one,
one foot then the other.
Stop making excuses,
they will pull you asunder.