Treason

Why is it so easy to break commitments to yourself? I tend to be a yes girl, a people pleaser, not a brown noser, just a sure-why-not kinda woman. Because of that I end up committing myself to others very frequently. I am good at keeping those commitments once committed...but that is only as long as that commitment is to someone other than me.

I make excuses for not following through for myself almost from the very moment the thought oozes it's way from the crevasses of my grey matter. I will bail on myself before the thought has time to become a thought. Why???

Each day presents itself, and before I really even start, I have already decided I'm not going to stick to the commitment I have made. Why??? It really does frustrate me. But, it's me...no one else forces me to eat another half a biscuit (because there is still honey butter in the bowl and that can't be wasted). The kids didn't take a nap today, so I'll exercises tonight (not really, by brain has already hit that "not gonna happen" button). I'll go to bed early so I can get up earlier (until I hit the snooze button, and go back to sleep). I'll fold those clothes now, but I'll put them away when all of the laundry is done (a week later). I'll only watch one of my shows and then I do the dishes (tomorrow morning, after breakfast...well maybe after lunch) I'll shave after I exercise (what exercise). I'll make an appointment for the optometrist (ahhh, that tear in my contact isn't that bad). I think that I put more energy into finding reasons to not do things than actually doing them would be.

I have heard and read tons of things about valuing yourself enough to take time out, blah blah blah. I am sure I have preached it to some of you. It is still a battle for me. I hop on the waggon and jump right off again and then figure out a great reason not to hop back on. I am dangling like Indiana Jones from the back of my commitment waggon. It's bumpy and dirty and hurts.

Treason

I want to quit.
I want to bail.
I won't even try,
it's easier to fail.

OK, maybe not.
I might really try.
I'll finish this chore
before the day passes by.

Oh what luck,
an obstacle there.
It gives me a reason
to not really care.

Oh wait, but I do!
I think there's a reason
to stop this nonsensical
personal treason.

Places Please

My husband came home Wednesday morning and left Thursday night. Having so little time together doesn't leave much room for disagreements. We are pretty used to the way this works, and so far it works for us. People always ask, "How do you do it?" Well, I hang on tight. I mean that literally, too. I have to manage things around here pretty closely or I will go nuts. Now, I don't mean that I sit on top of everything going on. The kids get a lot of space to be kids, even if their screaming bloody murder in the back yard tortures the neighbors. Things have there place, I keep them in their place, and things move pretty smoothly.


While my husband was home I took advantage of nap time to go shopping. I did the usual, grab everything you need from the grocery store so you don't have to take the kids, run and stopped to finish the Valentine's Day Party shopping. On my way home I phoned Husband to let him know that I would be picking Big Brother up from school. I asked how their nap had been and he said that he and Big Sister were the only ones up. Great! Little Brother needed the extra nap time. So, I grabbed my prescription from the drug store, grabbed me a drink from Sonic, and headed to the school.

I arrived about 30 minutes early. I could sit there and play on my phone, but honestly, I can't stand doing that when I know there are other things I can take care of...like taking in groceries. I pulled into the drive and began unloading the bags. Like all mom's I know, I grab as much as my arms can bear before waddling up the walk to get to the front door. When I rounded the corner, to my dismay, Little Brothers window was open, the screen torn off and his candy cane "sword" was laying in the mud. I dropped everything and began banging on the front door.

This took a lifetime. I don't know how many times I banged on the door, a minimum of four, and I repeatedly rang the door bell. Finally, the door was opened and I blurted out "Did you realize Little Brothers window is open and the screen is off???" "WHAT!!" was all that came from my husbands mouth as he darted through the door to his room. I turned around and he was standing behind me, what the, how'd he do that???

I am always surprised at the reactions we all have at times. My husband was definitely more frantic than I (this time.) I checked his bed and the first place I headed was for my room. That is the off limits place for the kids, so I thought my chances were better starting there. My mind registered his voice, and I called to Husband that he was inside, and I rounded the corner to find him in my bathroom. It took half a second to process what he was up to. Apparently he had finally figured out how to open the "child proof" locks on my cabinet and found my supply of finger nail polish. I guess he decided that hot pink was his color because half of both feet were painted. I headed back to the front door to ensure that my husband heard that he was safe.

I asked him how he managed to get outside so quickly. "I dove through" is all he said. Through the window, the halfway hanging off screen, and through the mud, and not a bit of evidence on him. Wow...that's like Super Hero stuff to me. As I stood there calming down, Little Brother came down the hallway with polish bag in hand. He sweetly walked up to Daddy and said, "Polish, Daddy." OK, everything is sweet when a tragedy has been avoided.

It dawned on me that the alarm was beeping. This happens every day, I turn it off and move on. Today though, Dad had not turned it off. I, probably not as nicely as I should have, asked why on earth he hadn't turned the thing off, and that if he had, he might have heard the door chime go off when Little Brother had breached the security perimeter. "Uh, I turned it off." "What........you turned it off...."

This is the part where I reiterate, I like to have everything in its place, it may not look like its organized at all times, but places everybody please! This applies to my security system. I do keep a door chime on so when any of my windows or doors are opened, I can run through the house to check on everyone. It obviously doesn't work properly if it is turned off. To my husbands credit, he gets it. He is the most security minded of the two of us. I just have a little more experience with what the kids might really do.

I love you Honey.

Places Please
Can I use your toolbox dear?
Only if you get one thing clear.
I like my things where they belong,
not left behind when your long gone.

I like to put things in their place
not just where there's an empty space.
So if you still want to use my things
just remember what my wrath can bring.
:o)

A Cup of Tea

I like those moments that make you appreciate things more. Cause you to let down your guard and just be present in the moment. I had just finished reading a chapter from “The Lightning Thief” and was busy tucking Big Brother and Sister into bed. I was crawling out of my night time hugs when a little hand grabbed my shoulder and said “here Momma, drink time.”

Little Brother rarely sits still while I am reading “chapter” books. While I read to his brother and sister, he had busied himself making tea for us. He handed me a tiny pink cup, stirred it with a measuring spoon, and just before I took a big imaginary drink, he said, “Hot, Momma, hot.” So I blew on my tiny cup of tea before guzzling it down to his delight.

About this time Big Sister chimed in with an “I don’t want to go to bed” chant. I explained, then I pleaded, and finally threatened her about this ridiculous ritual. I really wasn’t in the mood to get mad about it. What I find astounding is their ability to step into a completely serene moment and shatter it with complaints, whining or neediness. I understand that the world right now is very small to them, because it is all about them, but wow they are good at tending to their ego.

In an attempt to avoid following through with my threat, I took my cup of tea and threw it in Big Sister’s face with “tshhhhhh” added for effect. Little Brother literally fell down laughing. I then threw my never ending supply at the cat, “tshhhhhh.” Now Big Brother, “tshhhhhh,” Little Brother, “tshhhhhh,” and to top it off, a big fat cup of tea right in my face. “TSHHHH.” Mine was big enough to bowl me over and sent Little Brother to the floor rolling in laughter. What a way to end the night. We put the tea cups away, and hugged and kissed all over again. Little Brother bid his siblings “Good night” and I squeezed him and thanked him for being so great as I tucked him in to bed for the night.


Laughter

I don’t think that there is anything
in this earthly place we live
that can brighten up a day
like the laughter of a kid.

You don’t really have to hear it
or see from whom it was relayed.
You simply feel it inside you
like the warmth of a sunny day.