Why is it so easy to break commitments to yourself? I tend to be a yes girl, a people pleaser, not a brown noser, just a sure-why-not kinda woman. Because of that I end up committing myself to others very frequently. I am good at keeping those commitments once committed...but that is only as long as that commitment is to someone other than me.
I make excuses for not following through for myself almost from the very moment the thought oozes it's way from the crevasses of my grey matter. I will bail on myself before the thought has time to become a thought. Why???
Each day presents itself, and before I really even start, I have already decided I'm not going to stick to the commitment I have made. Why??? It really does frustrate me. But, it's me...no one else forces me to eat another half a biscuit (because there is still honey butter in the bowl and that can't be wasted). The kids didn't take a nap today, so I'll exercises tonight (not really, by brain has already hit that "not gonna happen" button). I'll go to bed early so I can get up earlier (until I hit the snooze button, and go back to sleep). I'll fold those clothes now, but I'll put them away when all of the laundry is done (a week later). I'll only watch one of my shows and then I do the dishes (tomorrow morning, after breakfast...well maybe after lunch) I'll shave after I exercise (what exercise). I'll make an appointment for the optometrist (ahhh, that tear in my contact isn't that bad). I think that I put more energy into finding reasons to not do things than actually doing them would be.
I have heard and read tons of things about valuing yourself enough to take time out, blah blah blah. I am sure I have preached it to some of you. It is still a battle for me. I hop on the waggon and jump right off again and then figure out a great reason not to hop back on. I am dangling like Indiana Jones from the back of my commitment waggon. It's bumpy and dirty and hurts.
Treason
I want to quit.
I want to bail.
I won't even try,
it's easier to fail.
OK, maybe not.
I might really try.
I'll finish this chore
before the day passes by.
Oh what luck,
an obstacle there.
It gives me a reason
to not really care.
Oh wait, but I do!
I think there's a reason
to stop this nonsensical
personal treason.
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Ah, my girl! You are so like me! I'm sitting here reading your blog (I'm supposed to be paying bills). It's after midnight....again... (I was going to go to bed early because I've got a full week ahead). I still have Christmas trees up (I chose dishes & laundry and shopping for Gdma Jo over decorations this weekend). Just remember you are keeping up with 4 other people (at least); same here - it's something we've both chosen (and that does make both of us happy). We both need to remember to carve out those little bits of time for just ourselves - enough to keep us healthy & satisfied & feeling whole (And Do Not Feel Guilty About Time For Yourself!). It gets hard - I know, I'm there.
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